The Heart of the Matter is the Matter of the Heart

Over the weekend, I found myself reading through my old blog posts. I started from the beginning; reliving the rollercoaster of emotions that took place during my time in Africa. Remembering the fear, hope, anxiety, joy, and anger that consumer my life for 12 amazing months. The emotions consumed me and brought me back to the dusty roads of Masoyi, South Africa. I don’t fully understand why my current path has kept me from the continent I love so much over the past three and a half years. Though I still have hope and have never wavered in the knowledge that the relationships that were shaped during that time continue to live on.

As I was reading through my many posts, I had forgotten the sheer number of experiences that had taken place during my journey. I caught myself off guard reading through all of the stories, trials, and events took place in those 12 months; experiences that shook me to the core and experiences most people will never understand. With world AIDS day coming up on December 1^st, I thought I would share a few of my old blog’s from my time in Africa; beginning with an eventful week in May 2008.

Hello friends,

Last week had been a week that flew by and yet a week that was full of events you can't imagine. There are times when I will find myself thinking, “Well, there aren't too many more off the wall experiences for me to go through in this little part of rural South Africa.” Then, a week like last week comes along and shows me how naive I really am.

After receiving some sobering news on Monday morning, I headed off to K2, a care center, to see some of my students. After heading back to the car, I noticed a girl from a program I work with walking up with a friend. She was in obvious pain and was walking very slowly. I put my arm around her as she started to weep. I tried to rush through my mind what should be done. I drove her to the clinic and had a female friend meet me there to help with the situation. After some initial testing, the clinic said we should take her to the hospital. Now, I have been to clinics in different parts of South Africa and they are nothing to write home about. However, when we entered the emergency room at the government hospital in Nelspruit, the conditions were just crazy; people everywhere siting in chairs and lying on gurneys. Some of the people sitting in chairs had IV's in their arms with the bag of fluids balanced on their heads. After some time, a large number of people involved in a traffic accident arrived. I saw an ambulance chasing lawyer coming to see the people just as often as the doctors.

After some initial testing on the young girl, we waited for four hours with no results. As we waited I received a text message from a friend who said his wife saw me in the hospital. He was upstairs in ward ten and had been there all night. He had very serious kidney stones and was lying in a small bed with paint peeling off the walls and small bugs running along his face at night. After we visited him, I went down and waited for news on the girl in emergency. We had been told she had been admitted, however there was no bed available for her. She was told she would have to spend the night in the E.R. on a bed with no blanket or food. I had to drive to a friend’s house to get a blanket for her. After some time talking with the doctor’s with some other friends, they released her. After two days, she was still very sick and we took her back to the clinic. Diagnosis; Pregnant; grade 11, 18 years old, needs HIV test.

Later in the week I was driving with a couple of my female students. They were talking is SiSwati which I know bits and pieces of. Throughout their conversation I heard the name of another girl that I work with and the word "pregnant." Grade 10, 16 years old, needs HIV test.

Another one of our youth, who is HIV positive, was also found to be pregnant this week; 16 years old.

Three girls in one week found to be pregnant; all three I know. Two of the girls I know fairly well and work very closely with the other. It was a very tough few days.

On Friday, at a weekly meeting, I asked for prayers for the young girls in Masoyi and broke down. I would ask that you continue to pray for the young girls in Masoyi and the women on this continent.

As we drove back from the meeting, I noticed an old women and man walking down the road. The man could barely stand and the woman with him was struggling to keep him up. It was pension day in the community and it is required that this man be physically present to pick up his check. He lives a very long distance from the pension office. We stopped and drove them home. As we were driving, a woman I work with asked them some questions about their situation. The women explained that they were brother and sister and that she was helping her brother (who has some mental disabilities) get his check. The women explained that she was in her 50's and HIV positive. She was extremely disciplined with her treatment and looked healthy. She explained she was taking care of four of her grandchildren (all orphans); two of which were young mothers, and one was noticeably pregnant. After the week I had, I would usually have become so much more worn down and angry at the situation. However, something came over me and I felt a sense of hope. I felt our paths were supposed to cross that day.

The family can now be registered with Masoyi Home Based Care. Volunteers can start to care for these orphans and the young mother’s coordinator has said she will do an assessment of the young mom. It was the Good Samaritan right in front of me. We had the choice to pass or to stop. I realized if we are willing to take time, to show compassion, opportunity can begin to grow.

That night I spent the night in the community with one of my Students (you can see pic's from this stay on the right). We had great talks about his life; when his mother passed away, when his uncle was beaten and robbed, and how he had just met his 16 year old half-sister a month ago. I met his amazing grandmother, full sister, Aunt, and cousins who he lives with. They were so gracious and so welcoming. You could get a sense of their loneliness as they were so grateful to have a guest enter their home. We broke boundaries that night as his grandmother said (through translation) "thank you for not showing racism. I can see that you really love people."

Even with all of the difficult experiences, there are still amazing things being done here; we just have to be willing to open our eyes and be a part of it. 

And the Award Goes to...

Last Friday night, I headed to my parent’s house for my weekly visit. After a delicious meal of taco goodness, the rents and I sat down to watch the news. We tuned in to watch a story on the Governor General handing out numerous medals of bravery to honor ordinary Canadians who had put themselves at risk of injury or death in an attempt to help someone in need. This (as the news often does) fueled a debate in the living room.

“Dad” I asked, “would you accept an award for helping someone in need?”

“I don’t think I would” he responded. “I don’t think I should be given recognition for something I’m supposed to do, to help someone.”

Of course, this response raises another intellectual query. Are we supposed to help someone? Is it our responsibility? (For those of you who know me and/or have read this blog, I think you know my obvious answer to those questions).

Then my mom said, “of course I would hope I would help someone in a situation where they were in danger and in need of support. But, let’s say someone was in trouble in deep water; of which I have a great fear. To be honest, I don’t know what I would do. Would I be paralyzed by fear?”

“Well, I hope you wouldn’t be judged for not helping in a situation like that, where your capabilities couldn’t warrant helping the person” my dad responded. “But for someone who could help, who did have the ability to assist that person, why should they receive a medal? Why should they receive recognition when they thought they could/should help?” he added.

 “Well, I can’t imagine these people are acting in such a way to receive a medal or recognition” my mom responded. “People often just react in the moment. So, if someone thought a person deserved recognition for their bravery, why shouldn’t they accept the award? Especially if they acted when no one else did? I think I would accept it” she stated.

After listening to the debate, my first thought was this:

 “Well, I think that by awarding people for acts of compassion or kindness, we are telling society that these actions are ‘extraordinary.’ That helping someone in need is not normal. I think that’s the wrong message to send; the idea that it’s only ‘special’ people that do these acts. When frankly, we are all capable and should all be willing to step up to the plate when people are in danger or in need of support.” 

But, then again, perhaps these awards demonstrate to society that we can also change; that if ordinary people are capable of such actions, perhaps I am too. I agree people’s stories need to be told. I get inspired by peoples sacrifices; by their willingness to go beyond places I have gone. But do these awards cause people to act?

An interesting debate to say the least. Do we award acts of compassion, or ‘bravery?’ Or, should society realize that helping people shouldn’t be looked at like a choice? That awarding people for those acts creates a sense that compassion isn’t a part of humanities framework.  What are your thoughts?

Patience: A Virtue to Passion

I was surfing the big news outlets as I do every morning; BBC News, CNN, CBC, Globe & Mail, Huffington Post, etc. Of course it’s all the same; most of it crap I don’t care about. Headlines about Herman Cane and his pizza empire, new iphone released (ok, I care about that one a little bit), and how Michelle Obama likes to shop. I find it can often take a concerted effort to uncover stories of true meaning; stories that demand compassion; especially if these stories are no longer in the “spotlight.” I’m sure this isn’t news to any of you (no pun intended). The media is quick to move from one story to the next. They need to stay competitive with the other news agencies. They need to grab our attention with the next big scoop. Again, we are all well aware of the news cycle. For example, remember the protest in Syria? Some (certainly not all) media outlets report that 3000 people have died in the protests since they began. Oh, how about that famine in East Africa? Well, took some effort but I found an article from yesterday saying that 750,000 people, many of them children, are still facing a death sentence. Earthquake? Haiti? Ring a bell? And, as many of you know, the HIV/AIDS crisis in sub-Saharan Africa is something close to my heart. Thirty-five hundred people died of AIDS related illnesses in Sub-Saharan Africa yesterday; today; tomorrow…


We know these stories. We are all impacted and have some degree of compassion toward them in some way or another; whether it is just simply listening to the story on the radio, donating to a certain cause, or actually participating on the ground to support one of these initiatives. But, for most of us (myself included) we get inspired to act, participate, engage in the story, but like the media, our curiosity and concern quickly fades and is sparked once again by the next “big thing”. Many people may blame the media for inducing this psychological indifference. However, I would argue that the way the media operates is a product of human instability. Perhaps the media has taken advantage of this human shortcoming, but it’s ultimately our choice to continue to fight for a cause or injustice or to move on to the next hot thing. And frankly, I feel we are doing ourselves a major disservice by not giving more time to something that has given us that initial spark of curiosity or fervour. I truly believe our passion lies in those moments but we don’t give ourselves enough time to develop them.

People are always saying in one way or another, “find your passion, and live it out.” I personally believe in this statement, but people don’t allow things to grow and mature within them long enough to discern their true passion. I wonder if we have passed over our true “calling” because of this. Our search will be a never ending road if we believe a continual expanse of excitement will be the secret that opens the door to our life purpose. Of course we need to have emotions of joy and happiness to show us our passion is real, but don’t confuse that initial rush or excitement with those deeper healthy sentiments.

If we really gave ourselves a chance to fight through the urge to move onto the next story, I feel our sense of calling or purpose would reveal itself and be bigger and brighter than the next “big thing” ever could.

And, perhaps the media will shine the spotlight a little longer on stories that require compassion and will slowly shift the headlines from a story on what Tom Cruise had for breakfast, to a story that 15,000 children died today because they likely didn’t get breakfast.

Riots and the Hunger for Community & Compassion

As a Calgary Flames fan I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Vancouver Canucks get shut out in game 7 of the NHL Stanley Cup Finals on Wednesday night to the Boston Bruins. I was not looking forward to hearing “Vancouver Fan” gloat about their victory all summer long. After the game however, I was shocked to see riots erupting in Vancouver’s downtown streets. I was sure that the city would have learned its lesson after going through the same process in 1994 after the Canucks were defeated in a game 7 Stanley cup finals; this time to the New York Rangers. It didn’t even cross my mind as I watched Zdeno Chara, The Boston Bruins captain hoist the Stanley Cup over his head that outside the arena, destruction ensued. Why was this happening I thought? Frustration? Mounting pressure finally released? Was it a select few who were actually leading the charge when it came to looting, destruction and violence? Yes, I believe it was. However, what I couldn’t understand was the hundreds, if not thousands of people encouraging this behaviour; standing by and chanting for the destruction; rallying for the damage of property. What causes this many people to participate in something that seems so out of character in their everyday lives? I do understand that a large number of studies have been done to identify the cause of such behaviour and the psyche surrounding it. Perhaps what I am about to discuss has been researched, however I still think it’s important to examine.

Over the past few months, I have been looking into the idea of compassion (or lack thereof) in our society. As someone who works in non-profit work, I am surrounded by people working and volunteering daily for our community. But how do we get society as a whole involved in community on a grander scale? How do we engage the masses to lend support to causes they are passionate about? The more I thought about this, the more it came clear to me that I was thinking too much on a macro level. The following thought was brought to my attention at a conference I attended in March. “How do we expect people to engage in community activism if people aren’t willing to stop stepping over people they see sitting on the street as they walk to work every day?” This thought struck me. I live in a city, Calgary, which prides it’s self on being a “volunteer” city. I think there is a huge difference however between being a volunteer city and a compassionate city. In my opinion, Calgary, along with the rest of society lacks compassion. Of course many of us volunteer and support our community in a variety of ways which are extremely important endeavours; but for our society to truly progress, a culture of compassion and real community needs to emerge. The pressure to live for ourselves has compromised the idea of compassion. This pressure, to live for ourselves and to show others our importance and worth, has left compassion in the dust. As a 28 year old, I feel that weight on my shoulders. When I was 21/22 years old, society said it was acceptable to live for the cause and live for others. However, now that I am reaching the age of 30, society expects other things from me. It expects me to worry about my retirement, get a job, get the house, get the car, get, get, get. The rat race has run its course and, it has failed. It’s time for a new ideology to emerge.

I truly believe that my generation is hungry to be compassionate; hungry to live in community; hungry to be who our humanity intended us to be.

As I watched the riots in Vancouver, I watched a group of people’s hungry for that sense of community. It was great to see people coming together Wednesday night, however I think society is to blame for the actions of that community. What I saw was our societal thought process; that living for ourselves is what’s important and other peoples property and self-worth are of no significance. People may argue that this isn’t our culture or think that since volunteers came together and cleaned the streets and “took back the city,” this isn’t who we are. I see this act of volunteering just as I see someone volunteering at the homeless shelter once a year on Thanksgiving. I will not criticize these actions (I was extremely proud to see people come together in this way) what I will say however, is that it is not enough. It is only through the way we think that will change the way we act. It is the little everyday compassionate actions that I believe will start to change our mindset. There needs to be a shift in our ideology. We often burry that compassionate voice within us that so desperately wants to be heard. We don’t want be the one to go at it alone; to be the first one kneel down and have a conversation with that homeless person on my way to work. That’s not... “normal;” not what I’m expected to do.

After watching the riots in Vancouver, a colleague of mine noted the mob would encourage or on occasion, chant for destruction; perhaps the objective would be to see some window’s smashed. Eventually, one, two, or even a handful of people would then build up enough courage to leave the mob and attempt to break a window before once again blending into the crowd.

It’s time our community came together to rally around and chant for compassion; to inspire people to have the courage to leave the mob and step out and have that conversation with someone on the street asking for change. To help that elderly woman cross the street who is too afraid to ask for support. To intervene when a young person is being bullied. To stop and help that single mother whose grocery bags have split open. As we encourage this, I believe we will see more than a handful of people leaving the mob to support; and eventually, the mob will include everyone. For if we continue to believe compassion is something we do not something we are, the crowd of people chanting on the sideline for destruction and encouraging violence will continue to grow.

Compassion is a human trait; ignoring it is a societal one.

Honoured and Remebered

In 2007, I went and spent a year in Africa serving for a non-profit organization fighting the widow and orphan crisis caused by HIV/AIDS. Below is a collection of blog entries describing one of many experiences.

One day in July, I went to go visit my good friends Divine and Emily. As many of you know, Divine is a 9 year old boy who I have been friends with since my first trip here two years ago. Emily is his Aunt who is a home based care nurse in the community I am working in.

As I walked in the door, I noticed that Divine had a visitor. He was a young boy who looked about 7 years old. Emily explained to me that he was a patient of hers. His parents have both passed away and he is living in a very small wooden shack of a house with his Aunt, Uncle, and cousins. He is HIV positive and has severe Tuberculosis. Emily decided to have the boy come to her house for a visit over the weekend to give him a break from his situation. As I introduced myself to him, I noticed how thin he was. I went to put my hand on his back and could feel only bone.

He also had a severe cough. I played with him and Divine for a few minutes and as I left I asked Emily how old he was. Emily told me he was thirteen. I couldn't believe it. Divine is 9 and is larger than him. Emily says that AIDS delay’s children’s development.

A couple weeks later, Emily and I were driving and she asked me if I remembered the boy that had stayed with her. I said of course and she explained to me that his condition was not good and that tests had revealed that his form of TB (tuberculosis) was drug resistant. She explained that he needed to be admitted to a special TB hospital, however he couldn't stay at the one near the community because he had previously stayed there for 7 months and couldn't be readmitted. He was needing to go to a hospital in Middleburg; two and a half hours from here. However, the grandmother and his family did not want this to happen because they didn't have transport money to visit him. Emily was hoping that at least the doctor could provide some things for him including oxygen to keep him comfortable if he had to stay home. It took a few times for Emily to say "keep him comfortable" before I knew what she meant. That's all that could be done was to keep him comfortable.

A week later, Emily told me that he had been placed in the TB hospital in our community. The Middleburg hospital needs there own results before he can be admitted. We are still hoping that he will be able to go there because they can try different treatments to see if any match his certain strain of TB. The results from the test take six weeks. So, he will be in the community TB hospital for the next six weeks where all they can do is keep him comfortable; he is the only child in the hospital. I asked Emily if he will make it six weeks. She responded by saying, "with his condition, only the Lord knows."

I went to go visit him with Emily and his Aunt. He was so happy to see us. We only stayed a little while but you could tell it made his day. You can also tell that his Aunt loves him very much. Before we left, his Aunt prayed for him. She sang her heart out and prayed with such desperation. She put everything into her prayer. You go the sense she knew she could do nothing else but pray. So, she was going to put her full effort into it.

After another visit, Emily wanted to pray for him. Again, that is all we have left. I went to put my hand on his upper arm and there was nothing there. I could put my thumb and my finger around his arm. I couldn't help but weep. I would be going to see him as much as possible.

After many visits, Nkosinathi passed away at approx. 3:45 am Sunday December 16^th, 2007. I was with him during that last 12 and a half hours of his life and was with him as he left us. I was in a very strange place and am still in denial that he is gone. Over the past five months I have been visiting every week or two and have helped transfer him to get his HIV/AIDS treatment at the local clinic. I keep thinking I will go visit him next week.

Through all of this, I am trying to find the justice in this. I came here to provide that. Where is the justice in a 13 year old boy dying an unbelievably painful death caused by a thing called AIDS and a thing called TB? Two things that were given to him; two things he did not find or ask for.

I have come to one conclusion. There is no justice in that. The funeral is on Saturday. After the funeral I was in rough shape. I didn't know if I could continue to live or work in Africa. At the funeral, his family was amazing. The family let me and Emily be a part of activities that are usually only done with family members. It was very special. At the end, after we had finished a meal, the boy’s grandmother and I had an amazing conversation. By the end, she had told me she considered me one of her son's because of the way that I had treated her grandson. I told her that I had a grandmother at home in Canada but I now considered her my grandmother in Africa. We both wept and gave each other an enormous hug. It was truly amazing how God was able to bring us together and find hope in one another. This young amazing, strong, resilant boy’s name was Nkosinathi. In English this translates to “God with us.” Today being world AIDS day, that’s where our hope comes from. God with us.

This story has obviously stuck with me to this day. I think about Nkosinathi often. Although I shared this story on my blog when it happened, since coming home from Africa I have shared this experience with only a few people. It was very difficult for me to do so. I also didn’t want Nkosinathi to become just another story or a tool to use to explain the devastation that AIDS is having in Africa. He deserved to be honoured to be remembered for the incredible young man that he was. There is obviously much more to this story which I haven’t shared in this post and would be more than willing to share it with anyone that is interested because what I have realized is that by introducing him to you, I am honouring him. The organization I have worked with says they want to reach 100,00 orphans, but we need to do it one by one. So today as we recognize world AIDS day, please remember that these are not stories, these are children and each one of them needs to honoured and remembered.

It's time we gave up a little piece of who we are, so that others can become who they are supposed to be

So it’s 6 am as I begin this post on a Saturday morning. I have just woken up after having a very strange dream. Although strange, it was a dream that I think I needed to get down on paper as it was one of importance.

Now to start, the dream started off a little strange. As I was going to bed, I watched a TV show about the big cheese roll races in England. You know the ones; where men and woman hurl themselves down a steep cliff chasing after a wheel of cheese.

Well, in my dream I was in the Winter Olympic games and one of the sports was to run down a snow covered hill with a shovel in your hand (from what I recall, it was modeled after avalanche rescue people or something). Well, turns out I won gold! And in the dream I became extremely emotional and I ran around with such joy that I eventually fell to my knees and was weeping, praying and thanking God. I remember clearly thinking “I can now use what you have given me Father to show people who you were as Jesus.” As I was kneeling down, looking up and praying, I remember a large globe circling above my head.

Suddenly, the surroundings of the dream changed. I ended up in a basement with a microphone speaking to a group of people who were upstairs in the house; I think in reference to my Olympic win.

My speech went something like this. “I believe that we are all here for a reason. God has called us to care for one another” (a word throughout this speech that kept resonating was the word ‘sacrifice’). God has called us to sacrifice. Now I’m not saying that people aren’t currently making sacrifices in their lives; whether it be donating to certain organizations/foundations or volunteering from time to time. However I think we are being called to take that next step. To give up something that affects our lives every day; to give up something from our everyday lives. It’s time we gave up a little piece of who we are, so that others can become who they are supposed to be.”

The last line was what prompted me to wake up on a Saturday morning and put this on paper.

Recently I have struggled to find my next step with God. As many of you know, due to unforeseen circumstances, I won’t be traveling to Africa in September as originally planned. This was disappointing news to say the least. I am staying positive but am still trying to figure out what to do now. What are your plans for me God? Perhaps the line at the end of my dream speech was God’s way of telling me what I can do for now and what God has always called us to do. To give up a little piece of who we are, so that other’s can become who they are supposed to be.

I’m still thinking on this dream, the speech, and the last line. So, if you have any thoughts or input, I would love to hear them!

The Above photo is a picture of my 91 year old Grandfather Frank Johns and my Cousin Ethan: This is Faith, Hope, and Love

"It's like having a broken heart; seperated in two places"

Hello everyone,
Sorry for the slight gap between posts. I am trying to stay on top of things. Since my last post, I had a great trip to Kelowna to see two of my favourite people in the universe; Dallas and Annie Davidson. I had a great time with my best friend Dallas as we talked, fished, played darts, drank Bud Light Lime, golfed, beat each other at UFC for XBOX, and played with his new puppy named Bryan.
It was a great break and a great time with friends. I have missed both Dallas and Annie a lot since they left for Kelowna, however I cherish the moments and great talks we have together. They are such amazing hosts and Annie is such a great cook! Thank you so much friends.
On another note, my dad seems to be doing fairly well these days. He seems his usual self and as always, seems to have figured out a system for his current situation. I think he looks like he has put on a few lbs. however the scale says otherwise. He and my mom are actually taking a few days and going to Jasper! My dad loves the mountains and was and is a huge hiker. I hope they both have time to rest and escape for a few days. Even though there is a ways to go and questions to be answered, we are so glad God has helped him get this far. Thank you for your continued prayers.
I am back at work and stuck in the office until September. I have been back for a week and a half but it feels like I have been here for a month. I think back to the episode of the Simpsons where Bart is watching the clock in class and the hands start ticking backwards. Although all of the kids out there will hate me for saying this; I can’t wait until September! I need to get back to giving presentations.
On another note, I have been looking in to the possibility of going back to school myself. I am looking at the idea of going back to do a two year teaching degree; perhaps in Kelowna?? I still have a lot of researching to do especially surrounding the validity of my applied under grad degree from Mount Royal College. Over the past year I have been trying to be patient with God and with Africa. If I felt right about the situation, had blessings from Hands at Work and felt led by God, I had been thinking of going back to Africa Summer 2010 for an approx. 2 years. Although I have been saving fairly diligently, I don’t know if I will have enough money by next year to head over there. I am also struggling with what I will be going over there with. What do I truly have to offer? Will an open heart and mind be enough over two years to allow me to be more of a blessing then a burden?
As many of you know, working with children is a passion of mine and I believe a God given gift. However, as it comes to teaching kids, I really don’t know enough about the techniques, the planning, and curricular development surrounding teaching. I am wondering if going back to school will provide me with tools I can use in Africa. I would love to support community teachers as they teach their amazing students. So once again, I am stuck in between. Do I pursue a life of committing to this cause that has transformed my life now and trust I have the tools already? Or do I look long term and go back to school to acquire more “tools?” If I do go back to school it may mean being away from Africa for two or three more years. This idea just tears at my heart and soul as I feel half of me is still there. I had a great talk with a friend yesterday who returned from Africa in January and she was discussing how she has been feeling since her return. She said “It’s like having a broken heart; separated in two places.” I think that is so beautiful and frames my story over the past few years so completely. I don’t usually ask for prayers, however I could use some help with direction and which path to take.
P.S. There is an album of photo's from my Sask. trip just beside this post.
Oh, also, I’m on the Twitter. www.twitter.com/danielwjohns
God Bless

Breaking the chains and keeping them off

Well, I returned from Saskatchewan Sunday night after a fantastic trip away with family. I drove to Sask. Wednesday morning with my Uncle Dave to the cabin in Fort Qu’Appelle. We had a seven or eight hour drive ahead of us (Although, with the BMW we made good time). We picked up my Auntie Sue in Regina after she flew in from Vancouver and headed to the cabin. My Auntie Bard (Dave’s wife) met us at the cabin and we had a great night catching up.
The following evening, the rest of the crew came up including my cousins Nathan, Mike, and Janette. Mike’s girlfriend Ashley and Janette’s boyfriend Jordan also came up. So, we had nine people and two dogs sharing a two room cabin. Somehow, we made it work and we had a great time.
We were all blessed with the weather as it was nice and sunny and the mosquitoes were kept to a minimum for the most part. My first task at the cabin was to fish. My dad will tell you, that our family is cursed when it comes to fishing. We can’t catch a damn thing. However, I may have made some progress breaking that curse over the weekend. I was able to catch six walleye during my time there and we cooked them up; man were they delicious. My cousin Nathan and I fished a lot and it was really good to see him and hang out with him.
It was a true blessing to be with family and live cabin life last week. Although I was looking forward to the break, I have really had a hard time getting excited for anything over the past few months. I don’t know if it’s a lack of energy, being stuck in the 9-5 working thing, or just some other person issues, but it has been difficult for me to get up and get motivated about activities or events. However, this trip seemed to break me out of that. I was able to relax, and just think about my next golf shot, or my next cast on the fishing boat, or frying up pancakes on the open fire. I also slept like a rock!
Now, I know that is exactly what vacation is supposed to do, but it was the first time in a very long time where my brain was able to shut off, my heart and soul were able to relax, and my anxieties were lifted. I felt, well, happy. So, to everyone who I spent time with at the cabin, thanks!
Unfortunately, even being back for a day I can feel those old feelings and anxieties creeping back in. Hopefully I can figure out some strategies to keep those things out.
During the trip, Nathan, my Uncle Dave, and I went golfing in a small town called Indian Head. The town was beautiful. Nice big trees hanging over the streets, old houses on big lots with beautiful flowers were everywhere. I think I am becoming a guy who could find himself living that small town life. However, I do realize the winter months would be a different story. I am becoming a person who could live in a slower paced life and a tight community setting. Anyone else out there feel that way? I can send you the link to Indian Head’s website if you are interested? HaHa. I will try and post some pics from the trip shortly.

On another note, dad seems to have more energy these days. He thinks he gained one pound this week!! So, that’s good. Unfortunately, he may have another complication concerning his health. As soon as we receive more details I will let you know. I think he has another doctor’s appointment in the coming days. Thanks for the continued prayers.

It's time to get fat. FAT!

Those of you who listen to the Jim Rome show should understand my extra "fat" reference in the title.

Well,
Dad has been out of the hospital for a while now which has been great. It’s good to see him at my parent’s house. He is still extremely thin and seems to be having a tough time putting on weight. It looks like he might have even lost another 1 or 2 lbs this week. His energy level also decreased a bit as the week went on which I think is very discouraging for him. He has always been a very disciplined guy when it comes to his health. He has been extremely disciplined in his recovery and when he doesn’t see too many positive results, I think it makes it that much more frustrating. Although, he keeps his head up and pushes forward and keeps trying to find new ways to fatten up! I’m really proud of him.
He saw his surgeon last week, and the Dr. said it would be a couple weeks before dad could feel his energy level going up. His body is using up all of his energy heeling and getting us to the fact that 2 and a half organs are missing. Plus, with no colon, his body isn’t able to absorb as much nutrients as before which makes things a bit tricky. So, hopefully we will see some improvements over the next couple weeks.
I am off to Saskatchewan on Wednesday. My dad’s brother Dave, (who I was in Zambia with for a short while last year) just flew into Calgary after a trip to Serbia. He and his family have a cabin north east of Regina so I am heading up there with him and some other family for a few days. It should be a good time as I haven’t seen my cousins in quite a while. We are driving there as well. Now, some of you might be feeling bad for me that I have to drive 7 or eight hours to Saskatchewan. However, my dad is letting us take his 20007 BMW 335i!!! He took me out for a practice run the other day. I was driving, and as we took the corner to go up Bow Trail, he flipped the transmission into sport mode and told me to gun it. I floored it and before I knew it, I was going WELL over 100 km/h. It was scary how quickly I was able to reach that speed. I think it should be a good ride out there. Although, should probably budget for a speeding ticket or two.

Dad is home...Again!

Hi everyone,
Well, my dad is out of the hospital...Again! The blood clot seems to be under control and he is home. It’s still been a rough past few days. It’s amazing how much weight he has lost. Unfortunately, his system still isn’t absorbing food the way it should which also means that there isn’t any nutrients been absorbed. So, everything is just kind a flowing through him. He has been really weak because of it. For the most part, he has been stuck on the couch. There were a couple days where even talking was a struggle because of the energy it took. I did talk to him today and things seemed to be a bit better. The big thing he told me is that mentally he is in better shape today which is huge! He still has a lot of shots to take for blood thinners, etc.
So, it will be a long summer for him but we are so thankful for everything God has already brought him through. An enormous part of that has been the love and support from my mom. She hasn’t stopped supporting my dad since this whole thing started. She has been there in so many ways and I know she has been such a huge encouragement for my dad. She has even found time to listen to me and my problems!!
On another note, I am looking forward to the next few days. I am taking July 1st-July 5th off work and am excited for the break. I think I will play some golf and just hang out. So, if anyone out there wants to get together send me an email, Facebook message, or give me a call! The patio is calling!
Anyone have any thoughts on the new Alexisonfire album?
DJ

back in the hospital

Well,
the trip home was a short one for my dad. On Thursday, he became very sick and he was up all night vomiting. Early Friday morning my mom rushed him to the emergency room where they immediately admitted him. He was extremely dehydrated and his blood sugar level was dangerously high; around 30 (a normal level is about 7). After getting hooked up to the IV and getting some rest he was feeling much better. They believe this likely happened because there was a blockage in his system caused by some scar tissue. They decided to keep him overnight on Friday for observation. We had hoped he would be out on Saturday or Sunday, unfortunately that has not been the case. Through regular blood work they noticed his white blood cell count was too high, and was continually increasing. This is usually the sign of an infection. So, although they were very tentative to order another CT scan because he has had two fairly recently, they felt they had no choice. The CT scan discovered a blood clot near his liver. Initial indications suggested it was very serious. Thankfully, the doctor said late last night that it was only a partial clot, which is still serious, although it likely won't travel to the heart or brain which can cause serious damage and even death. So, he is on an anti-biotic and blood thinners and will likely be in the hospital until Wednesday. Dad is looking really low in energy and looks very sad. I'm also starting to feel very warn down from all of this and am getting frustrated.
As many of you know the one thing that breaks my heart in this world (as I'm sure it does yours), is the suffering. I know all of us have felt those hopeless emotions when we know someone we love is suffering. And it just plain sucks!
I really pray this is the last major hiccup in what looks like a long recovery.
Thanks for your continued messages and kind words everyone.
I let my dad know about each and everyone of you who have provided words of support and encouragement. He is so grateful, as am I.

DAD IS CANCER FREE!!!!!!

Hi everyone,
I just received a call from my mom, and dad is doing great!!! His white blood cell count is normal, he is going home today, and the mass they removed from his pancreas was benign!!! Praise the Lord. He still has a long recovery ahead of him, however things look really good. let's just hope his diabetes stay's in check with only half a pancreas. But, so far so good!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!
Love to all of you,
Dan
P.S. Oh, and I will be getting back into the blog thing again. Not just about my dad, but just updates on what's going on with me in my little part of the world. Thanks!

More energy, but still need some answers!

Hey everyone,
Well, today is day nine and dad is still in the hospital. However, he is doing much better. His spirits are up and he has a lot more energy. They have removed all of the tubes from him (which added up to ten when we counted!!!) except for his I.V. They also removed all 39 staples from his incision which I think was a big relief for him. Yesterday, he went in for another CT scan because they noticed his white blood cell count was a little high. We don’t know if they found anything yet. Also, we have yet to hear back on the results from the mass on his pancreas. Although that is still nerve-wracking, it’s great to see him with more physical and spiritual energy. As soon as we hear anything new, I will give you an update!
Thanks again everyone for the prayers and thoughts!
Dan

Update on Dad

Hi Everyone,
Sorry this update has taken so long. It’s been a crazy few days. My dad is doing so,so. After talking to the doctors on Tuesday, things went as well as they could. The initial surgery, the removal of the colon went well. Unfortunately, they had to remove about half of my dad’s pancreas to remove the mass growing on it. The doctor said this mass was the cause of his diabetes and we won’t know until next week if the mass in cancerous or not. We pray it is benign and that with only half a pancreas his diabetes won’t get worse. They also removed a benign mass from a lymph node while they were in there and they also had to remove his spleen that got nicked by the knife during the procedure. So, needless to say, a lot of unexpected work had to be done which is taking a toll on my dad. Unfortunately the pain for the first couple days was excruciating. They had placed my dad’s epidural to high on his spine so the medication wasn’t hitting the surgical area. Luckily yesterday was better pain wise and they were hoping to try a new pain drug today and take him off the epidural. Unfortunately, my dad’s spirits have been pretty low; something I have never seen much in my dad. Usually, he plan’s everything out and research’s everything related to medical issues he encounters. Unfortunately, we only found out about the mass on his pancreas and the extensive surgery the day before we went in. He really didn’t have time to process the whole thing and it has taken a lot longer and has been a lot more painful than he anticipated. He has been in bed for four straight days and he just looks very depressed and frustrated. So, that is my prayer request; that God will fill him with his spirit and give him strength and energy as he continues to fight. We also pray that the mass on his pancreas was benign.
Thanks again everyone. I have said it before, but you don’t know what it means to know all of you are with us.
Be blessed,
Love Dan

God is doing amazing things here; we just have to be willing to be a part of it

Hello friends,
Last week had been a week that flew by and yet a week that was full of events you can't imagine. There are times when I will find my self thinking; well, there aren't to many more off the wall experiences for me to go through in this little part of rural South Africa. Then, a week like last week comes along and shows me how naive I really am.
After receiving some sobering news on Monday morning, I headed off to K2, one of our care center's to see some of my students. After heading back to the car, I noticed one of our youth girls walking up with a friend. She was in obvious pain and was walking very slowly. I went up to here and put my arm around her as she started to weep. I tried to rush through my mind what should be done. I drove her to the clinic and had a female friend, Jayme, meet me there to help with the situation. After some initial testing, the clinic said we should take her to the hospital. Now, I have been to clinics in different parts of South Africa and they are nothing to write home about. However, when we entered the emergency room at the government hospital in Nelspruit, the conditions where just crazy. People everywhere siting in chairs and lying on gurneys. Some of the people sitting in chairs had IV's in their arms with the bag of fluids balanced on their heads! After some time, a large number of people involved in a traffic accident arrived. I saw an ambulance chasing lawyer coming to see the people just as often as the doctors.
After some initial testing on the young girl, we waited for four hours with no results. As we waited I received a text message from a friend who said his wife saw me in the hospital. He was upstairs in ward ten and had been there all night. He had very serious kidney stones and was lying in a small bed with paint peeling off the walls and small bugs running along his face at night. After we visited him, I went down and waited for news on our youth in emergency. We had been told she had been admitted, however there was no bed available for her. She was told she would have to spend the night in the E.R. on a bed with no blanket or food. I had to drive to a friends house to get a blanket for her. After some time of talking to the doctor with Lynn and Jayme, they released her and was sent home with us. She was still very sick after two days and we took her back to the clinic. diagnosis; Pregnant; grade 11, 18 years old. Needs HIV test.
Later in the week I was driving with a couple of my students; girls. They were talking is Swati which i know bit's and pieces of. Through out their conversation I heard the name of another girl that I work with and the word "pregnant." Grade 10, 16 years old. Needs HIV test.
Another one of our youth, who is HIV positive was also found to be pregnant this week. 16 years old.
Three girls in one week found to be pregnant. All three I know, two of these girls I know fairly well, and work very closely with one of them. It was a very tough week.
On Friday, at Masoyi meeting, I asked for prayers for the young girls in Masoyi and broke down. I would ask that you continue to pray for the young girls in Masoyi and the women on this continent.
As we drove back from the meeting, I noticed an old women and man walking down the road. The man could barely stand and the women with him was struggling to keep him up. It was pension day in the community and it is required that this man be physically present to pick up his check. He lives a very long distance from the pension office. We stopped and drove them home. As we were driving, a women I work with asked them some questions about their situation. The women explained that they were brother and sister and that she was helping her brother (who has some mental disabilities) get his check. The women explained that she was in her 50's and HIV positive. She was very disciplined with her treatment and looked healthy. She explained she was taking care of four of her grandchildren; all orphans two of which where young mothers, and one we saw was noticeably pregnant. After the week I had, I would usually have become so much more worn down and angry at the situation. However, God was so present in this situation. He filled my heart with joy and showed my that he had put this man and women on the side of the road for our paths to cross. We can now register this family with Masoyi Home Based Care. We can start to have volunteers care for these orphans and our young mothers coordinator has said she will do an assessment of the young mothers! It was the good Samaritan right in front of me. We had the choice to pass or to stop and God showed us how if we are willing to take time, he can provide so much more opportunity.
That night I spent the night in the community with one of my Students, Mxolisi. We had great talks about his life; when his mother passed away, when his uncle was beaten and robbed, and how he had just met his 16 year old half sister a month ago. I met his amazing grandmother, full sister, Aunt, and cousins who he lives with. They were so gracious and so welcoming. You could get a sense of their loneliness as they were so grateful to have a guest enter their home. We broke boundaries that night as his grandmother said (through translation from Mxolisi) "thank you for not showing racism. I can see that you really love people." God is doing amazing things here; We just have to be willing to be a part of it.
I truly take for granted all of the experiences that happen in my life every week here. Although this week was filled with more events then usual, God continues to show up; I just need to open my eyes and ears to see it and hear it.

June 25th

Well hello everyone,
I hope you are all keeping well. I don't know if anyone is reading this anymore after me lengthy intervals between posts. Just in case it has been a while for you, I am still in South Africa. However I now know when I will be returning home; June 25 I will land on Canadian soil. It is a mixture of emotions to say the least. I am nervous to come home and nervous to leave Africa behind. However, I am bound and determined to make future plans about my life based on what is right for me. I do not want Canada to sway me in one direction and Africa to sway me in another. I need to start making decisions based on what is right for me. In no way am I saying that my time in Africa was not the right decision. On the contrary, it was the best decision and it will be the year that will look back on the most I am sure. I know that Africa will always be apart of my future. In what way, for how long, and when I will return is still to be decided.
On another note I have meet with visitors over the past two months which I have yet to write about. During the first two weeks in March, I had the unbelievable blessing of having my parents enter into my African life. It was an awesome time. I have tried to express to them (and have failed miserably) how much it meant to me to have them here. As you all know my parent are freaking amazing and I love them very much. We had an amazing time traveling through the community meeting my friends and family in Masoyi. I think they really enjoyed their time. We then spent three night in the Kruger National Park and we were very blessed to see all of the Big 5 except for a leopard. We then travelled to Mozambique for an amazing time on the Beach's of Bazaruto island. We had a great time and had talks that I will take with me for the rest of my life.
The pictures of our time together is on the left hand side of my blog.
After my time with my parents (which flew by!) I headed up to Zambia. I had an amazing time with the team from my church which included many friends. I want to thank that team once again from allowing me to be a part of your time up there. How is your ipOd working Chels? I had great laughs with Chels, Stan, Dauna, Rich, Jeremy, Jayne, and many more. After three days with them, I travelled down to Lusaka, the capital of Zambia and spent 10 days with my amazing Uncle Dave. He works for Athletes in Action and they had a team in Zambia to train South East African employees who are interested in being apart of AIA. We had a great time and they gave me the opportunity to share with the guys on a program that we run here with Hands. We had a great time with the guys, going to the markets, and watching a wild soccer game! Memories I will hold onto for the rest of my life! I love ya Uncle Dave.
So, that was March and April (although a lot more has happened within work and I promise to update again soon for those of you who are still with me).
I love you all and thank you for your continued support!!!
P.S. I, along with my friends Marc and Jed built a hockey net out of pcp pipe and a mosiquito net. I think Don Cherry would be proud. You can see the pictures of us at www.heubner.blogspot.com

Quick Note from Zambia

Hi Everyone,
Sorry my posts are lacking but haven't felt very inspired lately. I had a great time with my parents a few weeks back and I am now in Zambia. I had a great time seeing the WKC team for a couple days. I had a blast with them. I am now in Lusaka with my Uncle Dave and a Athletes in Action team. It has been a good time to get into another African country. I might head back to Ndola for a few days and hang out with Levy who runs the youth project in Masoyi. He is Zambian and might be coming here for a few days.
Just thought I would check-in on my birthday!
Hope you are all well,
Dan

As The Dude says, "Strikes and Gutters"

hello,
I'm back. After a long stint of no posts, I am back again. A lot has transpired over the past month or so. After my last post (bit of a downer no doubt) I am still here. After Inkosinathi passed away I was in rough shape. I didn't know if I could continue to live or work in Africa. At the funeral, his family was amazing. The family let me and Emily be apart of activities that are usually only done with family members. It was very special. At the end, after we had finished a meal, Inkosinathi's grandmother and I had an amazing conversation. By the end, she had told me she considered me one of her son's because of the way that I had treated her grandson. I told her that I had a grandmother at home in Canada (love you grandma) but I now considered her my grandmother in Africa. We both wept and gave each other an enormous hug. It was truly amazing how God was able to bring us together and find hope in one another. I have grown an amazing relationship with Inkosathi's family. I even spent New Years eve with them at a huge gospel concert. I was truly the only white guy out of about 30,000 black Africans; truly an experience to remember.

I have also been back to work for a good 4 weeks. I had taken a crazy trip to the University of Limpopo with three of my students trying to get them registered. Two of the kids didn't have the requirements; however with some upgrading this year, one of the students, Gugu, did pass! However, because her marks were on two separate statements (her high school marks and her upgraded marks) the school would not recognize her eligibility!! We had left at 3:00 am to get to the school on time to write her acceptance test and I was not going down with out a fight! I spoke with close to a dozen school officials and climbed the bureaucratic ladder. I told one guy he would have to call security because I wasn't leaving his office until he helped us. He then put me in touch with the Dean of admissions. We even stayed the night in temporary housing they provided for students who had traveled long distances so I could speak to the dean. The housing was unbelievable; the dorms were horrific! They were dilapidated with holes in the walls and paint peeling off. One of my students Stanley and I stayed in a room together. When we returned from supper, we found an old woman in Stanley's bed and an old man in Mine!!! We had to find another room with a dim florescent light and two old cots with a grungy old mattress. The wash house had pipes missing and rusted toilets. It was crazy. After my long hard fight, including a trip to the Limpopo education department, we were told to go back to Mpumalanga (where we stay) to get the marks combined.
Since then, I have been to the Mpumalanga education department about 4 times. The man who does the combinations for matriculation does not seem to know the rules. After Laura and I showed him the work I had done and the rules I had found on the net and explained them to him, as of today, he is excepting Gugu's marks!!! The fight was long and exhausting but it has paid off. Gugu will now be eligible for university! Today was a good day. I guess it wouldn't be a fight if it wasn't long and exhausting. However, today I felt like we are starting to win the fight.

P.S. Below is a video of our new guard Dog up at the farm. Our farm was broken into just after Christmas and a few expensive things were taken. We are hoping this vicious beast will protect us.

Video and pics of Buhle (Beauty): The new vicious rottweiler guard dog

Getting stuck in the Fence