I'm not sure how to start this blog post. I know it has been a while since I have written to you, and I am sorry. I have had things to say but haven't known how to say them. I was so keen when returning from a short vacation in Mozambique to fill you in. Tell you about the students who have been selected for Forward Education '08. Tell you about the 3000 metical (Mozambiquen currency, about $120 Canadian) bride I had to pay to stay out of jail. Tell you about the deep see fishing trip where I caught a couple bit King Mackerels. However, over the past 4 days, non of that has mattered. Before I continue, I would ask that you all read a previous post that I wrote back in September it was titled. "now is the time for a miracle." Please read it before you continue on with this post.
I just erased a paragraph that I had written because for now, I am still trying to process what has happened.
Inkosinathi passed away at approx. 3:45 am Sunday morning. I was with him during that last 12 and a half hours of his life and was with him as he left us. I am in a very strange place and am still in denial that he is gone. Over the past five months I have been visiting every week or two and have helped transfer him to get his HIV/AIDS treatment at the local clinic. I keep thinking I will go visit him next week.
Through all of this, I am trying to find the justice in this. I came here to provide that. Where is the justice in a 13 year old boy dying an unbelievably painful death caused by a thing called AIDS and a thing called TB? Two things that were given to him; two things he did not find or ask for.
I have come to one conclusion. There is no justice in that. And that frustrates the hell out of me.
The funeral is on Saturday. I ask that you pray for Emily, his family, and for me. It will be a very difficult day.
I am here to fight for the youth of this continent; I am here to fight for Inkosinathi. I lost the fight and failed him. I don't know if it is worth it anymore; any of this.
I do not want encouragement or your sympathy, I just want your prayers. More importantly I want you to think and pray for him and his family. They are who matter now.
5 comments:
I don't see how I could offer you encouragement. It would be hard to find any positives in the face of death? I could be fake and lie to you and say that everything will work out; but, with AIDS that's clearly not reality. I'm not so sure that you can say that you've failed him Dan. I can say that we - as a collective society - have. It is from our (and my) ignorance and selfishness that has allowed other precious children like Inkosinathi, become another cliched statistic. Don't steal the whole blame Dan. In my apathy, I deserve some guilt too. This is not encouragement...I repeat: I am not encouraging you. More or less , I'm actually trying to discourage you.
Dan,
This is Cari.I thought that the letter you gave us was a really good estimate . Half of it was apsolutely true,no I didn,t want to open my prestents, no ToTo wasn't with Jeff ,no Grandma wasn't snoozeing but,yes mom was crying...I forget what els was right.I hope you had a good Christmas and have a Happy new year to you and your little buddie's.This is your cousin Cari sighning out. P.S I miss you.
Dan,
Its hard to know what to say to you at a time like this. A time when we've been so blessed with celebrating Christmas with family. So far removed from the realities of Africa. Everything sounds so trite inlight of what you see and deal with on a daily basis. All I can say Dan is that we do continue to pray for you and the lives that you are touching. We ask for God's miraculous touch on your life and strenght for times like these. Like your firend Dallas, I too feel guilty as well as heavy hearted by the suffering of the innocent children. I don't understand it but am encouraged that God has chosen you to love and encourage them as you do.
Hey Bro...been going through some of my drama back home, but keeping an ear out for you and the rest in Africa. I'm praying for Inkosinathi's family. Love ya bro and see you at the end of the month.
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