Honoured and Remebered

In 2007, I went and spent a year in Africa serving for a non-profit organization fighting the widow and orphan crisis caused by HIV/AIDS. Below is a collection of blog entries describing one of many experiences.

One day in July, I went to go visit my good friends Divine and Emily. As many of you know, Divine is a 9 year old boy who I have been friends with since my first trip here two years ago. Emily is his Aunt who is a home based care nurse in the community I am working in.

As I walked in the door, I noticed that Divine had a visitor. He was a young boy who looked about 7 years old. Emily explained to me that he was a patient of hers. His parents have both passed away and he is living in a very small wooden shack of a house with his Aunt, Uncle, and cousins. He is HIV positive and has severe Tuberculosis. Emily decided to have the boy come to her house for a visit over the weekend to give him a break from his situation. As I introduced myself to him, I noticed how thin he was. I went to put my hand on his back and could feel only bone.

He also had a severe cough. I played with him and Divine for a few minutes and as I left I asked Emily how old he was. Emily told me he was thirteen. I couldn't believe it. Divine is 9 and is larger than him. Emily says that AIDS delay’s children’s development.

A couple weeks later, Emily and I were driving and she asked me if I remembered the boy that had stayed with her. I said of course and she explained to me that his condition was not good and that tests had revealed that his form of TB (tuberculosis) was drug resistant. She explained that he needed to be admitted to a special TB hospital, however he couldn't stay at the one near the community because he had previously stayed there for 7 months and couldn't be readmitted. He was needing to go to a hospital in Middleburg; two and a half hours from here. However, the grandmother and his family did not want this to happen because they didn't have transport money to visit him. Emily was hoping that at least the doctor could provide some things for him including oxygen to keep him comfortable if he had to stay home. It took a few times for Emily to say "keep him comfortable" before I knew what she meant. That's all that could be done was to keep him comfortable.

A week later, Emily told me that he had been placed in the TB hospital in our community. The Middleburg hospital needs there own results before he can be admitted. We are still hoping that he will be able to go there because they can try different treatments to see if any match his certain strain of TB. The results from the test take six weeks. So, he will be in the community TB hospital for the next six weeks where all they can do is keep him comfortable; he is the only child in the hospital. I asked Emily if he will make it six weeks. She responded by saying, "with his condition, only the Lord knows."

I went to go visit him with Emily and his Aunt. He was so happy to see us. We only stayed a little while but you could tell it made his day. You can also tell that his Aunt loves him very much. Before we left, his Aunt prayed for him. She sang her heart out and prayed with such desperation. She put everything into her prayer. You go the sense she knew she could do nothing else but pray. So, she was going to put her full effort into it.

After another visit, Emily wanted to pray for him. Again, that is all we have left. I went to put my hand on his upper arm and there was nothing there. I could put my thumb and my finger around his arm. I couldn't help but weep. I would be going to see him as much as possible.

After many visits, Nkosinathi passed away at approx. 3:45 am Sunday December 16^th, 2007. I was with him during that last 12 and a half hours of his life and was with him as he left us. I was in a very strange place and am still in denial that he is gone. Over the past five months I have been visiting every week or two and have helped transfer him to get his HIV/AIDS treatment at the local clinic. I keep thinking I will go visit him next week.

Through all of this, I am trying to find the justice in this. I came here to provide that. Where is the justice in a 13 year old boy dying an unbelievably painful death caused by a thing called AIDS and a thing called TB? Two things that were given to him; two things he did not find or ask for.

I have come to one conclusion. There is no justice in that. The funeral is on Saturday. After the funeral I was in rough shape. I didn't know if I could continue to live or work in Africa. At the funeral, his family was amazing. The family let me and Emily be a part of activities that are usually only done with family members. It was very special. At the end, after we had finished a meal, the boy’s grandmother and I had an amazing conversation. By the end, she had told me she considered me one of her son's because of the way that I had treated her grandson. I told her that I had a grandmother at home in Canada but I now considered her my grandmother in Africa. We both wept and gave each other an enormous hug. It was truly amazing how God was able to bring us together and find hope in one another. This young amazing, strong, resilant boy’s name was Nkosinathi. In English this translates to “God with us.” Today being world AIDS day, that’s where our hope comes from. God with us.

This story has obviously stuck with me to this day. I think about Nkosinathi often. Although I shared this story on my blog when it happened, since coming home from Africa I have shared this experience with only a few people. It was very difficult for me to do so. I also didn’t want Nkosinathi to become just another story or a tool to use to explain the devastation that AIDS is having in Africa. He deserved to be honoured to be remembered for the incredible young man that he was. There is obviously much more to this story which I haven’t shared in this post and would be more than willing to share it with anyone that is interested because what I have realized is that by introducing him to you, I am honouring him. The organization I have worked with says they want to reach 100,00 orphans, but we need to do it one by one. So today as we recognize world AIDS day, please remember that these are not stories, these are children and each one of them needs to honoured and remembered.

It's time we gave up a little piece of who we are, so that others can become who they are supposed to be

So it’s 6 am as I begin this post on a Saturday morning. I have just woken up after having a very strange dream. Although strange, it was a dream that I think I needed to get down on paper as it was one of importance.

Now to start, the dream started off a little strange. As I was going to bed, I watched a TV show about the big cheese roll races in England. You know the ones; where men and woman hurl themselves down a steep cliff chasing after a wheel of cheese.

Well, in my dream I was in the Winter Olympic games and one of the sports was to run down a snow covered hill with a shovel in your hand (from what I recall, it was modeled after avalanche rescue people or something). Well, turns out I won gold! And in the dream I became extremely emotional and I ran around with such joy that I eventually fell to my knees and was weeping, praying and thanking God. I remember clearly thinking “I can now use what you have given me Father to show people who you were as Jesus.” As I was kneeling down, looking up and praying, I remember a large globe circling above my head.

Suddenly, the surroundings of the dream changed. I ended up in a basement with a microphone speaking to a group of people who were upstairs in the house; I think in reference to my Olympic win.

My speech went something like this. “I believe that we are all here for a reason. God has called us to care for one another” (a word throughout this speech that kept resonating was the word ‘sacrifice’). God has called us to sacrifice. Now I’m not saying that people aren’t currently making sacrifices in their lives; whether it be donating to certain organizations/foundations or volunteering from time to time. However I think we are being called to take that next step. To give up something that affects our lives every day; to give up something from our everyday lives. It’s time we gave up a little piece of who we are, so that others can become who they are supposed to be.”

The last line was what prompted me to wake up on a Saturday morning and put this on paper.

Recently I have struggled to find my next step with God. As many of you know, due to unforeseen circumstances, I won’t be traveling to Africa in September as originally planned. This was disappointing news to say the least. I am staying positive but am still trying to figure out what to do now. What are your plans for me God? Perhaps the line at the end of my dream speech was God’s way of telling me what I can do for now and what God has always called us to do. To give up a little piece of who we are, so that other’s can become who they are supposed to be.

I’m still thinking on this dream, the speech, and the last line. So, if you have any thoughts or input, I would love to hear them!

The Above photo is a picture of my 91 year old Grandfather Frank Johns and my Cousin Ethan: This is Faith, Hope, and Love

"It's like having a broken heart; seperated in two places"

Hello everyone,
Sorry for the slight gap between posts. I am trying to stay on top of things. Since my last post, I had a great trip to Kelowna to see two of my favourite people in the universe; Dallas and Annie Davidson. I had a great time with my best friend Dallas as we talked, fished, played darts, drank Bud Light Lime, golfed, beat each other at UFC for XBOX, and played with his new puppy named Bryan.
It was a great break and a great time with friends. I have missed both Dallas and Annie a lot since they left for Kelowna, however I cherish the moments and great talks we have together. They are such amazing hosts and Annie is such a great cook! Thank you so much friends.
On another note, my dad seems to be doing fairly well these days. He seems his usual self and as always, seems to have figured out a system for his current situation. I think he looks like he has put on a few lbs. however the scale says otherwise. He and my mom are actually taking a few days and going to Jasper! My dad loves the mountains and was and is a huge hiker. I hope they both have time to rest and escape for a few days. Even though there is a ways to go and questions to be answered, we are so glad God has helped him get this far. Thank you for your continued prayers.
I am back at work and stuck in the office until September. I have been back for a week and a half but it feels like I have been here for a month. I think back to the episode of the Simpsons where Bart is watching the clock in class and the hands start ticking backwards. Although all of the kids out there will hate me for saying this; I can’t wait until September! I need to get back to giving presentations.
On another note, I have been looking in to the possibility of going back to school myself. I am looking at the idea of going back to do a two year teaching degree; perhaps in Kelowna?? I still have a lot of researching to do especially surrounding the validity of my applied under grad degree from Mount Royal College. Over the past year I have been trying to be patient with God and with Africa. If I felt right about the situation, had blessings from Hands at Work and felt led by God, I had been thinking of going back to Africa Summer 2010 for an approx. 2 years. Although I have been saving fairly diligently, I don’t know if I will have enough money by next year to head over there. I am also struggling with what I will be going over there with. What do I truly have to offer? Will an open heart and mind be enough over two years to allow me to be more of a blessing then a burden?
As many of you know, working with children is a passion of mine and I believe a God given gift. However, as it comes to teaching kids, I really don’t know enough about the techniques, the planning, and curricular development surrounding teaching. I am wondering if going back to school will provide me with tools I can use in Africa. I would love to support community teachers as they teach their amazing students. So once again, I am stuck in between. Do I pursue a life of committing to this cause that has transformed my life now and trust I have the tools already? Or do I look long term and go back to school to acquire more “tools?” If I do go back to school it may mean being away from Africa for two or three more years. This idea just tears at my heart and soul as I feel half of me is still there. I had a great talk with a friend yesterday who returned from Africa in January and she was discussing how she has been feeling since her return. She said “It’s like having a broken heart; separated in two places.” I think that is so beautiful and frames my story over the past few years so completely. I don’t usually ask for prayers, however I could use some help with direction and which path to take.
P.S. There is an album of photo's from my Sask. trip just beside this post.
Oh, also, I’m on the Twitter. www.twitter.com/danielwjohns
God Bless